Trump 2.0: Executive Orders, Culture Wars, and Shakespeare
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the encore performance of Trump: The Executive Order Chronicles, Volume 2.0. If you thought the first term was a whirlwind of pens, proclamations, and policy pivots, you haven’t seen anything yet. The man is back, and he’s wielding that executive pen like a maestro conducting a symphony of cultural chaos. Let’s dive into the greatest hits of Trump 2.0’s executive orders—complete with drama, controversy, and a touch of "did he really just do that?"
Birthright Citizenship: The Constitution vs. The Apprentice
In what can only be described as a bold legal gamble (or constitutional Jenga), Trump has attempted to end birthright citizenship for children born to undocumented immigrants. Yes, you heard that right—he’s challenging the 14th Amendment like it’s a contestant on *Celebrity Apprentice*.
The executive order directs federal agencies to stop recognizing babies as U.S. citizens if their mothers were "unlawfully present" and their fathers were neither citizens nor lawful permanent residents. Even children born to temporary lawful residents aren’t safe from this sweeping move. Cue the lawsuits, constitutional scholars, and cable news debates that will make your head spin faster than a White House press briefing.
It’s a legal Hail Mary, but Trump’s never been one to shy away from high-stakes theatrics. Will this order survive the courts? Probably not. But in the Trumpian playbook, the spectacle is half the point.
Energy: Drill, Baby, Drill (and Pause, Wind, Pause)
Declaring a "national energy emergency," Trump has reignited his love affair with fossil fuels. His orders expedite drilling in Alaska, rescind Biden-era coastal protections, and effectively tell offshore wind projects to take a long walk on a short pier.
In a move that screams “Make Oil Great Again,” he paused offshore wind leasing in federal waters and ordered a review of federal wind policies. Because nothing says forward-thinking energy policy like rolling back renewable energy initiatives while doubling down on oil and gas.
Oh, and the Paris Climate Agreement? Consider it ghosted—again. Trump has yanked the U.S. out of the global pact for a second time, proving that when it comes to climate diplomacy, he’s more about exits than encores.
Transgender Rights and DEI: The Culture War Symphony
If there’s one thing Trump loves more than a rally chant, it’s waging war on what he calls "woke" culture. His latest executive orders are a greatest hits album of anti-DEI and anti-transgender policies.
First up: gender identity. Trump has declared that the U.S. will officially recognize only two sexes—male and female—on government documents. He’s also rescinded Biden-era provisions allowing transgender Americans to serve openly in the military. While he hasn’t outright banned trans service members (yet), he’s laid the groundwork for a potential revival of his first-term ban.
But wait, there’s more! Trump has dismantled diversity, equity, and inclusion initiatives across federal agencies, calling them "discriminatory and illegal." He even revoked Lyndon B. Johnson’s Equal Employment Opportunity order from 1965. Yes, you read that correctly—he’s reaching back 58 years to undo civil rights policies because, apparently, nothing says progress like rolling back half a century of progress.
Federal Workers: Back to the Office (and Watch Your Back)
Federal employees, buckle up—Trump is bringing back his infamous Schedule F order, making it easier to fire civil servants deemed disloyal to his administration. While employees aren’t required to personally support the president (thank goodness), they must "faithfully implement administration policies." Translation: Toe the line or pack your desk.
He’s also mandated a full-time return to in-office work for federal employees and imposed a hiring freeze on government positions (except for military and national security roles). So if you were enjoying remote work or hoping for job growth in public service, well… tough luck.
Pardons: Jan. 6 Defendants Get a Free Pass
In what might be his most polarizing move yet (and that’s saying something), Trump has pardoned the majority of Jan. 6 defendants who stormed the Capitol. Among them are leaders of extremist groups like the Proud Boys and Oath Keepers.
“These are the hostages,” Trump declared from the Oval Office on his first night back in power—a statement so loaded it could double as a season finale cliffhanger on *House of Cards*.
Oh, and for good measure, he also pardoned Ross Ulbricht, the mastermind behind the Silk Road dark web marketplace. Because nothing says "law and order" like pardoning someone sentenced to life for running an illegal online bazaar.
Health Policy: WHO Let the U.S. Out?
Remember when Trump pulled the U.S. out of the World Health Organization during his first term? Well, he’s done it again, citing the WHO’s "mishandling" of COVID-19 and other health crises. It’s déjà vu all over again—but this time with even more global side-eye from the international community.
Trump also rescinded Biden’s order to lower prescription drug costs because apparently affordable medication is just too "woke" for his liking.
Miscellaneous Mischief: TikTok Timeouts and DOGE Devotion
No Trump executive order roundup would be complete without some head-scratchers. Among his more whimsical (read: baffling) actions:
- Suspending the TikTok ban for 75 days because why not keep us guessing?
- Renaming Denali back to Mount McKinley and rebranding the Gulf of Mexico as the Gulf of America—because maps clearly needed more patriotism.
- Establishing something called the Department of Government Efficiency, which sounds suspiciously like a bureaucratic oxymoron.
- Highlighting free speech protections while simultaneously revoking security clearances from critics like John Bolton. Irony much?
The Final Act: Stirring the Cultural Cauldron
Trump’s 2.0 executive orders are less about governance and more about performance art—a high-octane mix of populism, provocation, and political theater. Whether you love him or loathe him, there’s no denying his knack for keeping everyone talking (and tweeting).
Will these orders survive legal challenges? Probably not all of them. But in Trump’s world, winning isn’t always the point—the spectacle is. And if there’s one thing we’ve learned from Trump 2.0 so far, it’s this: The man knows how to put on a show—even if it comes with a hefty dose of constitutional controversy and cultural division.
So grab your popcorn, America. The curtain has risen on Act II of Trump’s presidency, and it promises to be as wild—and polarizing—as ever.
If William Shakespeare had attended the Trump Inauguration he might have said:
Now is the winter of our discontent,
Made glorious summer by this son of Queens;
And all the clouds that lour’d upon our house
In the deep bosom of executive orders buried.**
Now are our brows bound with MAGA hats;
Our bruised arms hung up for monuments of walls;
Our stern alarums changed to Twitter storms,
Our dreadful marches to rallies and chants.
Grim-visaged truth hath smooth’d her wrinkled front;
And now, instead of mounting facts and reason
To fright the souls of fearful adversaries,
He capers nimbly in a golden tower
To the lascivious pleasing of a base.
But I, who am not shaped for woke agendas,
Nor made to court an amorous progressive press;
I, who am rudely stamped, and want the virtue
To strut before a liberal ambling crowd;
I, who am curtail’d of this fair proportion,
Cheated of decorum by dissembling polls,
Deformed, unfinish’d, sent before my time
Into this breathing world, scarce half made up,
And that so lamely and unfashionable
That fact-checkers bark at me as I tweet by them;
Why, I, in this weak piping time of peace,
Have no delight to pass away the time,
Unless to sign my shadow in the press
And descant on mine own executive orders:
And therefore, since I cannot prove a uniter,
To entertain these fair well-spoken days,
I am determined to prove a disruptor
And hate the idle pleasures of these elites.
Orders have I laid, proclamations dangerous,
By drunken prophecies of fake news and fraud,
To set my predecessor and the woke
In deadly hate the one against the other:
And if the courts be as true and just
As I am subtle, false and treacherous,
This day should birthright citizenship be mew’d up,
About a clause, which says that ‘soil’
Of America’s heirs the citizen shall be.
Dive, thoughts, down to my soul: here
Alaska drills.
Now is the age of culture wars declared,
With genders fixed and DEI dismantled;
Where monuments rise to classical columns,
And windmills pause at the stroke of a pen.
Pardons flow like wine at a feast,
And the hostages of January 6th walk free.
The Paris Climate burns in the flames of my ire,
While gas and coal rise from the ashes of treaties.
TikTok dances on a temporary stay,
And the WHO withdraws to the sound of my scorn.
But I, who am unfit for compromise,
Will stride this stage with a villain’s glee.
For I am the winter of their discontent,
And glorious summer shall never return.